Mind The Gap: Hearing vs Listening!

Mind The Gap:  Hearing vs Listening!
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Hearing vs Listening

In the London Underground, “Mind the Gap” is the constant warning to see and beware of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, “Mind the Gap” is a 2-minute focus on the valuable difference between words or concepts that, without much thought, are otherwise used interchangeably.

What IS the difference, for example, between Hearing vs Listening

First we all know that  just because you hear something doesn’t mean you are -listening- People often confuse the two by saying “yes I heard you” when in reality all they heard is noise rather than the actual words that were spoken.

Ever heard the joke/platitude:“Why did God give us one mouth but 2 ears? Because you should be listening twice as much you are talking!” What’s great about this is the reality that we, indeed, benefit more from listening than talking. The problem with it is how it sub-consciously gets us to associate listening with our EARS. Ears are for HEARING.

Hearing is Physiological but Listening is PSYCHO-logical! You hear with your ears, but you listen with your mind.

Sure, Listening “involves” Hearing…but also some other important “I-N-G’s” as well. When we Listen it is because we are hearing, attending, understanding, remembering, evaluating and ultimately responding!

Think about this: What is we invited ALL of our senses to the Listening Party? Think about it. Everything that appeals to our senses can be “listened” to the same way anything that is “heard” can.

For example, are you hungry right now? If you could anything in the world right now, what would it be? Did you find yourself “listening” to your body to “hear/feel” what “sounds good” to eat right now?

What about when the Dr. asks you, “does it hurt here? Here? Here? On a scale of 1-10, how bad would you say the pain is when I do this? This? This?” ?Aren’t you then sending your “mind’s eye” to the place on your arm he’s feeling for a break?

What about when the milk in the fridge is down to the last 10% and the “best by” date is borderline…don’t you smell the milk to see if its good to drink or not? Don’t you “listen to your nose” in that case?

Ever feel your way to a door knob in the dark/middle of the night? When you can’t see and are on your way to the bathroom in a place you aren’t familiar with and you are inching slowly in the direction of the door with your hand out “feeling for” the door so you don’t walk into it face first.

If we trade the word “hearing” with “observing” we’ll invite ALL of our senses to the Listening Party which highlights what listening is TRULY all about: The attention we pay to what we are observing!

Listening Get a Klu Listening

Listening is something many think they are good at while OTHERS are bad at it…but trust me when I tell you we ALL suck. Why? Because we all have egos…and the ego doesn’t want to listen. Why? Because listening makes us vulnerable…it takes control away…we might “hear” something we don’t like, don’t agree with, don’t “sit well with” etc. In my opinion, listening is LOVE (the willingness to be vulnerable so either you or your beloved may grow).

Equating it with love, you will learn that listening can be just as valuable, if not more, than talking. You’ll often hear things that allow you to serve yourself and the other party better (example in my recent post about listening to elevator pitches).

One of my favorite quotes about listening is from Steven Covey (RIP). “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood”. If you listen to others and understand their situation, you’ll be in a much better place to then reply be of service.

If you are interested in learning about the barriers to listening, forms of non-listening or practice the skills of Active Listening, consider scheduling TWO Complimentary Sessions!

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Mind The Gap: Sacrifice vs Compromise!

Mind The Gap:  Sacrifice vs Compromise!

Mind the Gap”, in the London Underground, is the constant warning to see and beware of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, “Mind the Gap” is a 2-minute focus on the valuable difference between words or concepts that, without much thought, are otherwise used interchangeably.

What IS the difference, for example, between Sacrifice vs Compromise

Sacrifice is defined as an act of killing a person or animal in a religious ceremony as an offering to please a god.

You wouldn’t want to kill or be killed right? The word sacrifice can focus our sub-conscious on “loss” or “death.” Where there is loss, there is suffering. Sacrifice “vibrates” negatively. When people think they are making a sacrifice, it’s associated with the thought that they are losing something.

Sacrificing can lead to resentment, thoughts of failure and other negative emotions.

Compromising, on the other hand, can focus the sub-conscious on GAIN. Even though there is a movement away from 100% of what is desired, Compromising always ends in BOTH parties GETTING something they did not have before. Sacrifice is a PART of Compromise but when we are unwilling to lose, we are really unwilling to GAIN!

It is saying NOTHING new to you to say that Compromise can lead to long term success, great partnerships and positive emotions. But maybe THIS is new:

“There is no Compromise without Sacrifice…but when Sacrifice IS THE FOCUS of Compromise (when the focus is on loss), it makes true Compromise tougher.”

Moreover, Sacrifice alone…without occurring in the context of Compromise…is really more like the difference between Spending and Investing.

Get A Klu Compromise

Sacrifice = Spending. Spending is transactional in that you pay a price and you get an item or service. The money is gone never to be seen again…and the “value” remains located in the usefulness/enjoyment of the item purchased.

Compromise = Investing. Investing is transformational because despite the “loss” upfront, the money can come back and even grow over time.

This is why I’m a proponent of compromising in any given situation! It takes an evolved person to embrace Compromise when faced with a situation that requires SACRIFICE and multiple parties to agree.

photo credit: handshake via photopin (license)

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To Have Friends or To Be a Friend: Mind The Gap!!!

To Have Friends or To Be a Friend:  Mind The Gap!!!
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I have always valued the friends in my life. As a kid, there was nothing more exciting than getting to goof off with my friends on the playground. As I got older, my friends were the ones who have been there for me through good and bad times. In fact, the Friendsolder I get, the more I cherish the friendships I have. I know that if someone has stuck with me for this long, then there’s a good reason the universe brought them into my life. And while there have been many moments in my life where I find out who my true friends are, I believe each and every one of these experiences has been valuable and necessary for my personal growth.

You may remember my recent Drive-By Coaching video about repairing cherished relationships. I talk about reconnecting with Friendmy best friend since 9th grade, Terrence (T-bone), and how important this moment was in the evolution of our friendship. Yes, the dynamic of a friendship often changes over time, but as long as both parties realize this, the friendship can continue to flourish.

So, Let’s Mind The Gap! Having a Friend vs Being a Friend.? It’s easy to assume that just because you have friends also means you are being a friend and vice versa. This however, isn’t always true!

When you say you “have” friends, your mindset is about possession…which means it’s about scarcity or, further at the core, a fear of NOT having any friends. I’ve been there…so afraid of “losing my friends” that my behaviors only ensured I would! There is no love required to have friends…

being a friend, however and in my opinion, DOES require love…the willingness to be vulnerable so that you or your friend/beloved may grow! The friends we “have” are the ones we like to pass the time and/or do fun things with…but when we are BEING friends, we listen…we give…we support…we confront…we assist…we cheer…we commiserate…we inspire…we say thank you…we say I’m sorry…we say I forgive you…we say I love you!

When we focus on BEING a friend, we ask questions like, “what would a really good friend DO right now?’ and because you’re looking within to see what you can offer to the friendship. That is being the type of person that others WANT to be friends with (notice I didn’t say, “to have as a friend”).

12734211_10207293418266850_4598543372035574729_nForgiveness is usually something “a friend would do” and,?I believe forgiveness is a success principal mental health. But just because you forgive, doesn’t mean you are required to forget. It’s important to be mindful of what you’re forgiving someone for so you don’t put yourself in the same situation again. Perhaps you’ve heard me say “I will always love you more than I will ever miss you,” because sometimes we need to create more space/breathing room in friendships…we need to actually MISS our relationships in order to best LOVE them. There’s a saying that if you are not LEADING your peer group or being LEAD BY your peer group, then you need to LEAVE your peer group!

So, MIND THE GAP when it comes to the difference between “having a friend” and “being a friend” and focus on being the best friend you can be. Be someone that you yourself would want to be friends with. If you focus on your own actions as a friend and what you can control, you will attract higher quality friendships in your life. If you focus on just counting all the friends you have, then you will lose sight of what it really takes to create and maintain long termfriendship joy celebration Get A Klu friendships.

Friendships (have and will) ?come and go…but knowing how and a willingness to BE a friend is lasting.

During my visit to London for the 2012 Summer Games I got inspired for a blog series. In the London Underground, “Mind the Gap” is the constant warning to see and beware of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, is a 2-minute focus on the valuable difference between words or concepts that, without much thought, are used interchangeably.

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Mind The Gap: Coaching vs Consulting

Mind The Gap: Coaching vs Consulting

What IS the difference, for example, between Coaching and Consulting?

The terms get confused a lot. In fact, I even see Coaching confused for Consulting BY the service providers themselves but there are some key differences that may help you in your career or business!

The focus for a coach is to get you to improve yourself, but you have to do the work. A coach will motivate you to grow as a person. Coaching is also a form of consulting (another reason the terms get confused). But the coach stays with the client to help implement the new skills, changes, and goals to hold the client accountable. It is the Relationship that is the foundation of coaching. The coach and client intentionally develop a relationship, which is characterized by a mutual appreciation, respect, and shared commitment to the client’s results.

Get A Klu- Jeff Klubeck Consulting

A consultant on the other hand helps you improve too, but he or she is doing work that you don’t want to do. A consultant is helping your company grow in areas you don’t have time to deal with, but you’re not necessarily growing as a person because someone else is doing the work. In a sense, it is “the contract” thatis the foundation of consulting. The consultant provides tangible results by completing projects, creating content, setting up specific systems, etc. all for an agreed upon rate. The exchange of value is money for work performed by the Consultant.

Growth is the common factor here, but the difference lies in where that growth is happening.

Get A Klu CoachingSports analogies are always great, so let’s look at this in terms of the sports world.

Sports players have coaches. The coaches work hard to train, motivate and improve the players. This happens through setting up practices, preparing tapes to watch, and creating work outs. Even though the coach, is organizing everything, the players physically have to work out, and they are personally growing.

Coaches, and upper level management on the other hand, often hire consultants to come in and structure the sports franchise, recruit players and ensure the finances are in place. The consultant is doing all the work here. The organization as a whole is still growing through getting a better team, having a stronger financial background, and overall being more buttoned up. Notice though, that the focus of growth here is for the organization as a whole rather than individuals…even though the individuals may grow with the organization, the target for growth is the organization.

When you think about this in terms of your business and how to decide if you need to hire a Coach, Consultant or sometimes, even both, figure out your long term goals. If you want to personally keep doing specific tasks, and get better at them, but need accountability, a Coach may be right for you. If you know there are tasks that need to get done, but you just don’t want to deal with them, a Consultant may be the better option.

Next time you hear someone call themselves either a Coach or Consultant, find out the services they offer and see if their offerings truly match up to either term. You can also check out my style of coaching, and learn what I offer to clients by signing up for 2 free coaching sessions HERE.

Meanwhile, thanks for reading another edition of Mind the Gap!

During my visit to London for the 2012 Summer Games I got inspired for a blog series. In the London Underground, “Mind the Gap” is the constant warning to see and beware of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, is a 2-minute focus on the valuable difference between words or concepts that otherwise used interchangeably from appearing similar.

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Mind The Gap: Success vs Achievement

Mind The Gap: Success vs Achievement
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During my visit to London for the 2012 Summer Games I got inspired for a blog series. In the London Underground, “Mind the Gap” is the constant warning to “see and beware?”of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, this same phrase is a plea to consider the “valuable difference” between words or concepts that otherwise appear quite similar a difference that I hope empowers self and others!

What IS the difference, for example, between Success and Achievement?

Success is defined as an accomplishment of an aim or purpose however, all too often, we use the term to describe “status” or the amount of money/things a person has. Who comes to mind when you think of who you know that is “Successful”?success_achievement_status_get_a_klu

Achievement, on the other hand, is defined as things done successfully. Having many/repetitive successes will pave the way towards the achievement! Achievement comes from being successful many times over yet, ironically, achievement does not guarantee one’s success! Who comes to mind when you think of who you know that has achieved something in life achieved something WITH their life?

Mind the Gap! The difference between Success and Achievement is subtle because they are co-dependent. They need each other to exist. And, isn’t it interesting how things can be achieved unsuccessfully (passing class with a “C” is an achievement, even if not a successful one), yet nothing can be achieved without one ore more things being done successfully (even the “C” student succeeds 70-80% of the time)!

But while Achievement is verifiable, Success is a bit more subjective. And THAT difference is HUGE!
Get a Klu Success Bolt
You can believe you have success while others believe you are nowhere close to it!? Or, you may NOT believe yourself to be successful at the same time that millions would literally risk their lives to be YOU! All the while, an achievement is an achievement regardless of the pedigree, honor or heroism ascribed to it, it can be verified and agreed upon when someone achieves something.

The good and bad news is that Success is mostly a state of mind. You can feel successful without physically/tangibly achieving anything, whereas achievement is more tangible. You must see something accomplished, or accomplish a goal yourself in order to have achieved something.

It really all comes down to standards. The standards you set for yourself will determine what you set out to achieve and the degree to which the pursuit and attainment of those achievements will?require and/or bring you success. But until you set standards, the difference between Success and Achievement is truly a “chicken-or-egg” conversation that will most likely get you nowhere!Success vs. Achievement Mind the Gap for Get a Klu

Private Coaching is a GREAT place to get clarity on your standards to become crystal clear on the achievements you most wish to pursue in life/business/career. The difference between Success and Achievement is the standards you set but the difference between setting them and just thinking about them COULD BE effective coaching!

Try Two Free Sessions!

To Your Success and Achievement!

Jeffrey Klubeck, M.A.

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