Mind The Gap: Hearing vs Listening!

Mind The Gap:  Hearing vs Listening!
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Hearing vs Listening

In the London Underground, “Mind the Gap” is the constant warning to see and beware of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, “Mind the Gap” is a 2-minute focus on the valuable difference between words or concepts that, without much thought, are otherwise used interchangeably.

What IS the difference, for example, between Hearing vs Listening

First we all know that  just because you hear something doesn’t mean you are -listening- People often confuse the two by saying “yes I heard you” when in reality all they heard is noise rather than the actual words that were spoken.

Ever heard the joke/platitude:“Why did God give us one mouth but 2 ears? Because you should be listening twice as much you are talking!” What’s great about this is the reality that we, indeed, benefit more from listening than talking. The problem with it is how it sub-consciously gets us to associate listening with our EARS. Ears are for HEARING.

Hearing is Physiological but Listening is PSYCHO-logical! You hear with your ears, but you listen with your mind.

Sure, Listening “involves” Hearing…but also some other important “I-N-G’s” as well. When we Listen it is because we are hearing, attending, understanding, remembering, evaluating and ultimately responding!

Think about this: What is we invited ALL of our senses to the Listening Party? Think about it. Everything that appeals to our senses can be “listened” to the same way anything that is “heard” can.

For example, are you hungry right now? If you could anything in the world right now, what would it be? Did you find yourself “listening” to your body to “hear/feel” what “sounds good” to eat right now?

What about when the Dr. asks you, “does it hurt here? Here? Here? On a scale of 1-10, how bad would you say the pain is when I do this? This? This?” ?Aren’t you then sending your “mind’s eye” to the place on your arm he’s feeling for a break?

What about when the milk in the fridge is down to the last 10% and the “best by” date is borderline…don’t you smell the milk to see if its good to drink or not? Don’t you “listen to your nose” in that case?

Ever feel your way to a door knob in the dark/middle of the night? When you can’t see and are on your way to the bathroom in a place you aren’t familiar with and you are inching slowly in the direction of the door with your hand out “feeling for” the door so you don’t walk into it face first.

If we trade the word “hearing” with “observing” we’ll invite ALL of our senses to the Listening Party which highlights what listening is TRULY all about: The attention we pay to what we are observing!

Listening Get a Klu Listening

Listening is something many think they are good at while OTHERS are bad at it…but trust me when I tell you we ALL suck. Why? Because we all have egos…and the ego doesn’t want to listen. Why? Because listening makes us vulnerable…it takes control away…we might “hear” something we don’t like, don’t agree with, don’t “sit well with” etc. In my opinion, listening is LOVE (the willingness to be vulnerable so either you or your beloved may grow).

Equating it with love, you will learn that listening can be just as valuable, if not more, than talking. You’ll often hear things that allow you to serve yourself and the other party better (example in my recent post about listening to elevator pitches).

One of my favorite quotes about listening is from Steven Covey (RIP). “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood”. If you listen to others and understand their situation, you’ll be in a much better place to then reply be of service.

If you are interested in learning about the barriers to listening, forms of non-listening or practice the skills of Active Listening, consider scheduling TWO Complimentary Sessions!

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Mind The Gap: Sacrifice vs Compromise!

Mind The Gap:  Sacrifice vs Compromise!

Mind the Gap”, in the London Underground, is the constant warning to see and beware of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, “Mind the Gap” is a 2-minute focus on the valuable difference between words or concepts that, without much thought, are otherwise used interchangeably.

What IS the difference, for example, between Sacrifice vs Compromise

Sacrifice is defined as an act of killing a person or animal in a religious ceremony as an offering to please a god.

You wouldn’t want to kill or be killed right? The word sacrifice can focus our sub-conscious on “loss” or “death.” Where there is loss, there is suffering. Sacrifice “vibrates” negatively. When people think they are making a sacrifice, it’s associated with the thought that they are losing something.

Sacrificing can lead to resentment, thoughts of failure and other negative emotions.

Compromising, on the other hand, can focus the sub-conscious on GAIN. Even though there is a movement away from 100% of what is desired, Compromising always ends in BOTH parties GETTING something they did not have before. Sacrifice is a PART of Compromise but when we are unwilling to lose, we are really unwilling to GAIN!

It is saying NOTHING new to you to say that Compromise can lead to long term success, great partnerships and positive emotions. But maybe THIS is new:

“There is no Compromise without Sacrifice…but when Sacrifice IS THE FOCUS of Compromise (when the focus is on loss), it makes true Compromise tougher.”

Moreover, Sacrifice alone…without occurring in the context of Compromise…is really more like the difference between Spending and Investing.

Get A Klu Compromise

Sacrifice = Spending. Spending is transactional in that you pay a price and you get an item or service. The money is gone never to be seen again…and the “value” remains located in the usefulness/enjoyment of the item purchased.

Compromise = Investing. Investing is transformational because despite the “loss” upfront, the money can come back and even grow over time.

This is why I’m a proponent of compromising in any given situation! It takes an evolved person to embrace Compromise when faced with a situation that requires SACRIFICE and multiple parties to agree.

photo credit: handshake via photopin (license)

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To Have Friends or To Be a Friend: Mind The Gap!!!

To Have Friends or To Be a Friend:  Mind The Gap!!!
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I have always valued the friends in my life. As a kid, there was nothing more exciting than getting to goof off with my friends on the playground. As I got older, my friends were the ones who have been there for me through good and bad times. In fact, the Friendsolder I get, the more I cherish the friendships I have. I know that if someone has stuck with me for this long, then there’s a good reason the universe brought them into my life. And while there have been many moments in my life where I find out who my true friends are, I believe each and every one of these experiences has been valuable and necessary for my personal growth.

You may remember my recent Drive-By Coaching video about repairing cherished relationships. I talk about reconnecting with Friendmy best friend since 9th grade, Terrence (T-bone), and how important this moment was in the evolution of our friendship. Yes, the dynamic of a friendship often changes over time, but as long as both parties realize this, the friendship can continue to flourish.

So, Let’s Mind The Gap! Having a Friend vs Being a Friend.? It’s easy to assume that just because you have friends also means you are being a friend and vice versa. This however, isn’t always true!

When you say you “have” friends, your mindset is about possession…which means it’s about scarcity or, further at the core, a fear of NOT having any friends. I’ve been there…so afraid of “losing my friends” that my behaviors only ensured I would! There is no love required to have friends…

being a friend, however and in my opinion, DOES require love…the willingness to be vulnerable so that you or your friend/beloved may grow! The friends we “have” are the ones we like to pass the time and/or do fun things with…but when we are BEING friends, we listen…we give…we support…we confront…we assist…we cheer…we commiserate…we inspire…we say thank you…we say I’m sorry…we say I forgive you…we say I love you!

When we focus on BEING a friend, we ask questions like, “what would a really good friend DO right now?’ and because you’re looking within to see what you can offer to the friendship. That is being the type of person that others WANT to be friends with (notice I didn’t say, “to have as a friend”).

12734211_10207293418266850_4598543372035574729_nForgiveness is usually something “a friend would do” and,?I believe forgiveness is a success principal mental health. But just because you forgive, doesn’t mean you are required to forget. It’s important to be mindful of what you’re forgiving someone for so you don’t put yourself in the same situation again. Perhaps you’ve heard me say “I will always love you more than I will ever miss you,” because sometimes we need to create more space/breathing room in friendships…we need to actually MISS our relationships in order to best LOVE them. There’s a saying that if you are not LEADING your peer group or being LEAD BY your peer group, then you need to LEAVE your peer group!

So, MIND THE GAP when it comes to the difference between “having a friend” and “being a friend” and focus on being the best friend you can be. Be someone that you yourself would want to be friends with. If you focus on your own actions as a friend and what you can control, you will attract higher quality friendships in your life. If you focus on just counting all the friends you have, then you will lose sight of what it really takes to create and maintain long termfriendship joy celebration Get A Klu friendships.

Friendships (have and will) ?come and go…but knowing how and a willingness to BE a friend is lasting.

During my visit to London for the 2012 Summer Games I got inspired for a blog series. In the London Underground, “Mind the Gap” is the constant warning to see and beware of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, is a 2-minute focus on the valuable difference between words or concepts that, without much thought, are used interchangeably.

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Confidence Vs Arrogance? Mind the Gap!!!

Confidence Vs Arrogance?  Mind the Gap!!!
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MIND THE GAP!!!! What IS the difference between Confidence and Arrogance?

Sometimes, a confident person may seem arrogant to others, and sometimes an arrogant person thinks (s)he’s just being confident. These terms are often confused and they both have meaning behind them when being used to describe yourself or someone else.

First, let’s get the boring stuff out of the way, that?s the dictionary terms:

Confidence in terms of this post and in a business mindset is defined as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

Arrogance has a more negative definition, an insulting way of thinking or behaving that comes from believing that you are better, smarter, or more important than other people.

Confidence is usually a term used to describe how you see yourself, but it doesn’t have to be used verbally. Most successful people have confidence in their abilities and while they may not verbally state that they are confident, their actions will reflect their mindset. Actions speak louder than words, especially when it comes to demonstrating confidence.

Arrogance on the other hand is not a term used very often to describe yourself. You will rarely ever hear someone describe themselves as being arrogant, but you often hear people call others arrogant. Calling someone arrogant can be a double edge sword. Usually the person accusing someone of being arrogant, is actually the arrogant one. How does this work? If you perceive a negative quality in others, you are most likely PROJECTING a quality you possess yourself.

Confidence Mr. Miyagi Quote for Get A KluRemember, Mr. Miyagi says Best way to avoid punch, no be there. So, pause before you think or actually accuse someone of being arrogant. Are they really being arrogant or do you just have a lack of your OWN confidence? And even if they ARE being arrogant, what would a confident person do in their presence? Either ignore or HELP them…but confident people do not need to make?themselves feel better at the expense of another.

Again, MIND THE GAP! Arrogant is never a term we use to describe ourselves and IF WE ARE TRULY CONFIDENT (the term we use to describe ourselves), we will have NO NEED to accuse others of being arrogant. The truly arrogant person needs confidence, not judgement. And the truly confident person can be a difference-maker in someone else replacing arrogance with their own confidence.

In sum, be careful of that which you accuse others of…it just may be a projection of your own self-worth and put your OWN “confidence/arrogance” balance in question.

During my visit to London for the 2012 Summer Games I got inspired for a blog series. In the London Underground, “Mind the Gap” is the constant warning to see and beware of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, is a 2-minute focus on the valuable difference between words or concepts that, without much thought, are used interchangeably.

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Mind The Gap: Goals vs Resolutions, 2.0!

Mind The Gap: Goals vs Resolutions, 2.0!
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MIND THE GAP!!!! What IS the difference, for example, between a Resolution and a Goal?

I’d like to revisit my original Goals vs Resolutions Mind The Gap post because I have some updates! We’re nearing the end of the first month of 2016, and that means that many of you have already broken your resolutions. In fact, research proves that 88% of resolutions are broken within 30 days. Goals, however, have a much higher percentage of being achieved, as long as you have the right tools.

Let’s take a look at the difference.

Get A Klu ResolutionsResolutions are usually very easily set and JUST AS EASILY given up on. Many times they involve you withholding something in your life that you enjoy. They also don’t have a specific measurable description. They are assumed that we must keep the resolution for the entire year, which is a very long period to do something, especially without any accountability. Examples:

  • I will give up alcohol
  • I will stop eating dessert
  • I won’t play video games

Goals, however, are difficult to set because they have the quality of accountability that is missing in resolutions. A properly set goal includes a specific and measurable description of WHAT is to be ACHIEVED and BY WHEN! Sounds simple, but in reality there are 5 main reasons we fail to achieve goals, including fear of failure, scrutiny from others, and ignorance on the importance of effective goal setting! Research shows that, despite our knowing that ALL high-achieving people do it, only 3% of our population will set and write down goals. Yet EVERYONE seems to freely set Resolutions…and I’d bet 97% of all resolutions set get broken…

Don’t get me wrong, setting Resolutions is valuable and KEEPING TO THEM is possible, but doing so involves a lot of self discipline and will power. For example, I’m proud to say that I kept one of my 2015 resolutions and didn’t eat ice cream all year…but it wasn’t easy! Ice cream was presented to me many times, especially with 3 kids who have a lot of birthday parties and social activities to attend

Here’s a video taken by Abigail (on our 1st daddy-daughter date of 2016) of my first taste of ice cream in over a year. This year’s resolutions include a re-commitment to NO Ice-Cream…I am also adding SODA to the list of no-no’s…additionally I am resolved to drink 5 gallons of water every week…limiting alcohol consumption to no more than 2 occasions per week). All of those are Resolutions…but if I am good about keeping them, I will achieve my GOAL of losing 20 pounds by April 1st. I will check in next year and let you know how I do. But do you see the difference between Resolutions and Goals?

Jeff Klubeck New Year's Resolution- No Ice Cream

Personally, I still set resolutions because they focus on behavioral change…and all goal achievement is predicated on changing behaviors. Whether you set goals, resolutions or both, I wish you much success in both for 2016, but always remember to mind the gap!

During my visit to London for the 2012 Summer Games I got inspired for a blog series. In the London Underground, “Mind the Gap” is the constant warning to see and beware of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, is a 2-minute focus on the valuable difference between words or concepts that, without much thought, are used interchangeably.

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