Mind The Gap: Hearing vs Listening!

Mind The Gap:  Hearing vs Listening!
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Hearing vs Listening

In the London Underground, “Mind the Gap” is the constant warning to see and beware of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, “Mind the Gap” is a 2-minute focus on the valuable difference between words or concepts that, without much thought, are otherwise used interchangeably.

What IS the difference, for example, between Hearing vs Listening

First we all know that  just because you hear something doesn’t mean you are -listening- People often confuse the two by saying “yes I heard you” when in reality all they heard is noise rather than the actual words that were spoken.

Ever heard the joke/platitude:“Why did God give us one mouth but 2 ears? Because you should be listening twice as much you are talking!” What’s great about this is the reality that we, indeed, benefit more from listening than talking. The problem with it is how it sub-consciously gets us to associate listening with our EARS. Ears are for HEARING.

Hearing is Physiological but Listening is PSYCHO-logical! You hear with your ears, but you listen with your mind.

Sure, Listening “involves” Hearing…but also some other important “I-N-G’s” as well. When we Listen it is because we are hearing, attending, understanding, remembering, evaluating and ultimately responding!

Think about this: What is we invited ALL of our senses to the Listening Party? Think about it. Everything that appeals to our senses can be “listened” to the same way anything that is “heard” can.

For example, are you hungry right now? If you could anything in the world right now, what would it be? Did you find yourself “listening” to your body to “hear/feel” what “sounds good” to eat right now?

What about when the Dr. asks you, “does it hurt here? Here? Here? On a scale of 1-10, how bad would you say the pain is when I do this? This? This?” ?Aren’t you then sending your “mind’s eye” to the place on your arm he’s feeling for a break?

What about when the milk in the fridge is down to the last 10% and the “best by” date is borderline…don’t you smell the milk to see if its good to drink or not? Don’t you “listen to your nose” in that case?

Ever feel your way to a door knob in the dark/middle of the night? When you can’t see and are on your way to the bathroom in a place you aren’t familiar with and you are inching slowly in the direction of the door with your hand out “feeling for” the door so you don’t walk into it face first.

If we trade the word “hearing” with “observing” we’ll invite ALL of our senses to the Listening Party which highlights what listening is TRULY all about: The attention we pay to what we are observing!

Listening Get a Klu Listening

Listening is something many think they are good at while OTHERS are bad at it…but trust me when I tell you we ALL suck. Why? Because we all have egos…and the ego doesn’t want to listen. Why? Because listening makes us vulnerable…it takes control away…we might “hear” something we don’t like, don’t agree with, don’t “sit well with” etc. In my opinion, listening is LOVE (the willingness to be vulnerable so either you or your beloved may grow).

Equating it with love, you will learn that listening can be just as valuable, if not more, than talking. You’ll often hear things that allow you to serve yourself and the other party better (example in my recent post about listening to elevator pitches).

One of my favorite quotes about listening is from Steven Covey (RIP). “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood”. If you listen to others and understand their situation, you’ll be in a much better place to then reply be of service.

If you are interested in learning about the barriers to listening, forms of non-listening or practice the skills of Active Listening, consider scheduling TWO Complimentary Sessions!

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To Have Friends or To Be a Friend: Mind The Gap!!!

To Have Friends or To Be a Friend:  Mind The Gap!!!
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I have always valued the friends in my life. As a kid, there was nothing more exciting than getting to goof off with my friends on the playground. As I got older, my friends were the ones who have been there for me through good and bad times. In fact, the Friendsolder I get, the more I cherish the friendships I have. I know that if someone has stuck with me for this long, then there’s a good reason the universe brought them into my life. And while there have been many moments in my life where I find out who my true friends are, I believe each and every one of these experiences has been valuable and necessary for my personal growth.

You may remember my recent Drive-By Coaching video about repairing cherished relationships. I talk about reconnecting with Friendmy best friend since 9th grade, Terrence (T-bone), and how important this moment was in the evolution of our friendship. Yes, the dynamic of a friendship often changes over time, but as long as both parties realize this, the friendship can continue to flourish.

So, Let’s Mind The Gap! Having a Friend vs Being a Friend.? It’s easy to assume that just because you have friends also means you are being a friend and vice versa. This however, isn’t always true!

When you say you “have” friends, your mindset is about possession…which means it’s about scarcity or, further at the core, a fear of NOT having any friends. I’ve been there…so afraid of “losing my friends” that my behaviors only ensured I would! There is no love required to have friends…

being a friend, however and in my opinion, DOES require love…the willingness to be vulnerable so that you or your friend/beloved may grow! The friends we “have” are the ones we like to pass the time and/or do fun things with…but when we are BEING friends, we listen…we give…we support…we confront…we assist…we cheer…we commiserate…we inspire…we say thank you…we say I’m sorry…we say I forgive you…we say I love you!

When we focus on BEING a friend, we ask questions like, “what would a really good friend DO right now?’ and because you’re looking within to see what you can offer to the friendship. That is being the type of person that others WANT to be friends with (notice I didn’t say, “to have as a friend”).

12734211_10207293418266850_4598543372035574729_nForgiveness is usually something “a friend would do” and,?I believe forgiveness is a success principal mental health. But just because you forgive, doesn’t mean you are required to forget. It’s important to be mindful of what you’re forgiving someone for so you don’t put yourself in the same situation again. Perhaps you’ve heard me say “I will always love you more than I will ever miss you,” because sometimes we need to create more space/breathing room in friendships…we need to actually MISS our relationships in order to best LOVE them. There’s a saying that if you are not LEADING your peer group or being LEAD BY your peer group, then you need to LEAVE your peer group!

So, MIND THE GAP when it comes to the difference between “having a friend” and “being a friend” and focus on being the best friend you can be. Be someone that you yourself would want to be friends with. If you focus on your own actions as a friend and what you can control, you will attract higher quality friendships in your life. If you focus on just counting all the friends you have, then you will lose sight of what it really takes to create and maintain long termfriendship joy celebration Get A Klu friendships.

Friendships (have and will) ?come and go…but knowing how and a willingness to BE a friend is lasting.

During my visit to London for the 2012 Summer Games I got inspired for a blog series. In the London Underground, “Mind the Gap” is the constant warning to see and beware of the space between the platform and the train door literally a matter of life and death! Boarding my blog, however, is a 2-minute focus on the valuable difference between words or concepts that, without much thought, are used interchangeably.

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Cookies & Cocktails at The University Club was a HIT!

Cookies & Cocktails at The University Club was a HIT!
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Cookies and Cocktails was a HIT!  Yes, tt’s that time of year again…GIRL SCOUT cookie time!  I am the proud father of an amazing Girl Scout, Abigail, who has been enjoying her time with Troupe 3121 for over 4 years.  I’m happy to see her learning so many life skills through the great experiences and friendships Abigail gets through Girl Scouts.

troop 3121 Get A Klu Cookies and CocktailsAnd, let’s face it:  the cookies are delicious!  While I maintain some great eating habits (kale smoothies, wheatgrass shots, no ice cream or soda, 5 gallons of water a week), I cannot resist good, old-fashioned girl scout cookie (my favorite is…whichever one I am eating!).

Cookies and Cocktails with Get A Klu

Naturally, I’m excited to help my daughter reach her Cookie sale goals and I took an idea to “my club”, The University Club,  when I asked the food and beverage director (Jeff Apodaca) if he could pair wine/beer/cocktails with each flavor of Girl Scout Cookie and do an event…well, he LOVED my idea and the event took place last Wednesday the 15th…I am hoping it was successful enough to repeat this year or in years to come!

Cookies and Cocktails, Get A Klu, Troop 3121, Girl ScoutsI am SO grateful to the University Club for taking my idea and running with it. I was JUST hoping there would be pairings, but they generously gave a FREE DRINK ticket to everyone who bought cookies!

I know that many of you wanted to get to this great event, but couldn’t…so while I work with The University ClubShannon Parsons, Cookies and Cocktails, the University Club, Get A Klu to see about doing more events like this in the future, you can still buy your cookies, donate to operation thin mints and support Abigail with an online purchase!

Online Cookie sales benefit my daughter’s Troupe 3121 from Rancho Penasquitos.

Online sales have all your favorites, including Samoas, Tagalongs, Thin Mints, and more!

Online Cookie sales give you the option of delivery by mail OR in person!  We will gladly come see you wherever you need us to!  Thank you so much to everyone who supports Abigail and Troupe 3121 this year!

To Your Success!

Jeffrey Klubeck, M.A.

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Bucket List Goals: Attending Spring Training!

Bucket List Goals:  Attending Spring Training!
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Remember all that goal setting insight I gave?earlier this year? Well just because we’re closing out the first quarter doesn’t mean all the talk about goal setting is going to stop. In fact, it’s just beginning. Yes, that’s right, accomplishing the many goals we set at the start of the year is starting to happen. Achieving goals?is one of my favorite things about goal setting. For me, goal setting encompasses all areas of my life. I set goals for business, health, relationships, and I even set bucket list goals.

These past 4 days, ?have been dedicated to my bucket list goal of taking a road trip to Spring Training with my son AJ. AJ is my Little League all star, so I knew he would enjoy Spring Training just as much as me. This trip felt like Father’s Day the entire time. It will be an experience I’ll remember forever and as a bonus, I was able to achieve one of my bucket list goals. Just a glimpse of our Spring Training Adventure…

AJ hit a grand slam with all the autographs he got, including this one from World Champion Center Fielder Willie Wilson. AJ himself plays Center Field so it was a treat for him to meet guys doing what he does in the big leagues.

Bucket List Get A Klu Spring Training Autographs

We had the opportunity to watch 4 spring training games and got up close and personal views of our favorite players in action!

Bucket List  Get A Klu Spring Training Games

Oh and look who I got to fist bump with? None other than Hall of Famer Trevor Hoffman. This was truly an honor.

Bucket List Get A Klu Spring Training Fist Bump

I recommend everyone have at least one bucket list goal because it gives you something to look forward to and it helps you realize that setting and accomplishing goals can be both fun and enjoyable. My other baseball related bucket list goals for the year include: ?Managing a Little League team to the Tournament of Champions and Attending a Major League Baseball All-Star Game.

If you haven’t already set bucket list goals this year, no fear! It’s never too late to set a goal. I encourage you to set a bucket list goal and then share it with me. If you already have bucket list goals, I would love to hear them too. Let me know in the comments and if you’re stuck on how to set bucket list goals, or any of your goals for that matter, you can always sign up for my complimentary coaching so we can get your goals in order.

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Alexandra Harbushka’s Real World Woman Podcast!

Alexandra Harbushka’s Real World Woman Podcast!
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Alexandra Harbushka has invited me to be a guest on her?Real World Woman Podcast?next month in April. Alexandra is a colleague and friend from The University Club, where we are both members. We recently had a chance to sit down for a Power Breakfast (remember ?you can join me any time for breakfast!) and learn more about each other’s businesses. I’m impressed by Alexandra’s ambition, drive and vision…therefore, honored to be a guest on?her Podcast.

You may be wondering, “Why is Jeff appearing on a Woman’s Podcast?” ?The idea is to provide real life information to help women become confident, understand what she wants/needs from life and give her resources to become her sexy self. ?So,?even though the Podcast has the word “Woman” in the title, it’s really a program that both men and women will enjoy. ?Perhaps you know that my wife has a successful corporate career that currently has her on 50% travel giving me an opportunity to be “Super Dad” in somewhat of a traditional gender-role-reversal. ?I might also share my insight on being a Life/Business Coach, running a service based business, being an Adjunct Professor and balancing it all with “Triple Daddy Duty” for our 3 kids. ?Men and woman both bring unique qualities to the table, and I feel that it’s important to have a thorough understanding of the different types of contributions each gender is capable of making in this world.

Alexandra Harbushka with Get A KluMore about Alexandra Harbushka: Taken from her own words?“I am an entrepreneur, a daughter, and a lover. My life passion is to help women discover the secrets to having all three of life?s essentials: sex, money, and food. I bring my international experience and corporate success together to help other women thrive as a Real World Woman.

I have lived a full life so far, and know that real women are nothing like the glitz and glamour displayed on the red carpet and in the media. That doesn?t mean, however, that we don?t deserve the same quality of life they enjoy. How do Real World Women discover success with sex, money, and food? I have made it my life goal to find out. Between my podcasts where industry experts and I share the inside scoop and my store where I bring beauty to women, I hope to spread happiness and success to women worldwide.

With a background in residential real estate, residential mortgages and experience working in the heart of the fashion industry?Madison Avenue?I have spent years cultivating the insider insight that I bring to you through my podcast. My passion to help you live your best life will come through the second you set foot in it”.

Jeff Klubeck on Real World Woman PodcastMore about the Real World Woman Podcast: Each podcast episode features a different expert on the show. Experts will chat about relevant topics with Alexandra Harbushka that affect today’s modern woman. The topics vary, but they evolve around the themes of sex, money and food. Alexandra has featured experts for all walks of life, in many different industries including financial planners, body builders, film makers, real estate professionals and much more. ?You can catch her previous podcast, HERE.

My episode of?the Real World Woman Podcast?will be available on April 19th! ?When it is available, I will be sure to remind you.?Here is a link to the podcast on Alexandra’s website.?You can also catch her podcast?on?iTunes?or on?Stitcher.

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